zombie shuffle photos

^This one I found on the Interweb. Cool eh? [Photo by cefiar]

More photos.

tag: zombies

procrastination

see you there

big bro

I'm an idiot, I know.

wrestlin' is the baddest

I saw these posters on Sydney Rd in Brunswick for a band called Elephant Mojo. Congratulations you fucking retards, you officially have the worst publicity photos ever.

This is like when someone farts in their cupped hand and throws the smell at you, but with eye rape.


"We are looking at something profound that you will never understand."


That's right, they hang out in abandoned buildings. In the music business, this is what we call "edgy."

I won't bother you by linking their url, but I did get to see some of their live photos and hear some of their music. It's hopelessly generic pub white funk (not to be confused with anything associated with Bootsy Collins, ever) but not the worst thing I've ever heard. And, what do you fucking know, they were 'unearthed' by Triple J. Go back to the mud from whence you came!

sketchbook shinannigans

I spent the last three days at AGIdeas, an annual design conference held here in Melbourne. I thought some people (well, Tones) might enjoys a couple of pages from my sketchbook.

Brad Holland

Shiro Nakamura

Flinders St dome

hungry like the something-or-other

My first go at something in Painter. But I don't think I'll use it for that previously mentioned assignment.

retards don't rule the night

While Googling a pic for an assignment, I stumbled onto a website that made me laugh (see below). it reminds me of my favourite quote from Strangers With Candy – a show that should have been more popular than Seinfeld.

(Jerri listens to a tape 'Retardation, A Celebration' narrated by Wilford Brimley)
Wilford Brimley: First of all, the retarded don’t rule the night. They don’t rule it. Nobody does. And they don’t run in packs. While they may not be as strong as apes, don’t lock eyes with them. It puts them on edge. It might put them on bezerker mode. Come at you like a whirling dervish, all fists and elbows. You might be screaming “No, no, no” and all they hear is “Who wants cake.”

With that in mind, cut to this link. Understanding why I laughed is to understand who I am.

Currently Playing:

• Fly Me Away - Goldfrapp
• Positive Contact - Deltron 3030
• Number of the Beast, Run To The Hills - Iron Maiden

truthiness

Yesterday while at the pub with some of the Geelong Anarchists who were in town for the day, we were having a bit of a laugh at interweb nazis and everyone's favourite source of comedy, Ben 'Lennie' Weerheym. I hadn't checked his website for a while, and saw even more unintentional comedy gold.

"The law stated that immigrants could only enter the country if they could speak English at a high standard. This is how it got its nickname, because most people of the Third World do not speak English as a first language, hence they could not enter Australia. Of course, it also stopped Irish, Italians, Germans, and Greeks from entering the country unless they knew English well enough...

While some of the language should be rewritten to reflect modern day language, the reinstatement of this policy may be the only thing that saves our people from a very real extinction event."

Ben. Weerheym. Lecturing. Others. On. Their. Command. Of. English.
Gut. Bursting. With. Mirth.

UPDATE: Thanks to Fight Dem Back, I have more proof for the mirth. It's an email sent by the racist himself:
"It [sic] the one you love to hate here. I have noticed you have gotten rather hot under the collar lately as a result of me (oooh ahhh) obtaining a domain name. Why did you say that the PAD site is hosted by Camien when you know full well it is not, oh thats [sic] right, you are a consumate lier [sic]."

On a totally unrelated note, my favourite cartoon of all time is Ulysses 31. Check out the supreme awesomeness of the opening titles.

the return of DSS!

A few weeks ago, I had the worst day I've had in quite a few years. That includes the day me and my partner were forced out of our house by the housemate who cared too much. (That's a cryptic reference that you probably don't need to worry about.)

Part 1: The Dentist.
My morning began at the dentist. I need to get fillings in my wisdom teeth but, thankfully, they don't need to be removed.

The dentist (it must be said she was very good) began by saying that she was going to apply some dry ice to my teeth to test their sensitivity. The horror on my face must have been evident because she explained thaat it was a painless procedure of putting cold cotton on my teeth to see if they are dead or not (they weren't). Phew.

Then it was time for the hardcore stuff. They injected the anaesthetic, whoch wasn't as painful as it could have been. The problem was, it didn't really work that well. Apparently, to put it mildly, my nervousness was countering some of the effects of the drug, and when they (the dentist and the dental nurse) began working on one tooth, pain shot all down one side of my body when they hit a nerve. So they had to inject me with anaesthetic two more times, and it had very little effect.

As my panic began to mount, the dentists was more visibly annoyed and said, "Looks like we've got another one."

The worst part was when I could no longer feel the back of my throat along the right side, and it felt like I wasn't breathing properly. This was compounded by the wad of plastic shoved to the back of my tonsils while an x-ray was taken.

I tried to stifle my fear by thinking about the dead moths that were in the fluro light covering above (how did they get there? What was the lead up to their demise?) but it was no good. I began to flinch uncontrollably at every discomfort. I'm pretty sure the dentist cut the session short because I've my in-your-face extremeness aka total fear.

Humiliated, I left for my next appointment – with my Job Network member.

Part 2: The Job Network.
It started when I got a letter saying I had an appointment at 10am with my Job Network member. I sent an email to my case worker (is that what you call them?)

Hey ******,
Unfortunately I can't make it to the Thursday appointment at 10am. I have a dentist appointment at 9:30 in Carlton.

I've also completely fogotten to tell you that I have some temporary work. It's 6 hours a week working at *******. It's been going for three weeks and I have one more week left (that is, this week). The work is ••••••••. I don't know if you need to know the pay or not, but it's works out to $48 per hour.

You can call me on my mobile 04••••••••, but it will be switched off today between 2 and 5pm (I'll be in class).

Then I got this reply.

Centrelink advised that you are not on full time studies and receiving partial allowance which means to say you are required to come to your appointment. I will wait for you in the afternoon.

Problem is, I was studing full time. Now, I was told previously by a lackey at Centrelink (who looked alot like the Tall Man) that I might as well stay on the dole and not go on Austudy. Looking back, it was pretty retarded to believe him, but it has been my experience with Centrelink that change is a bad thing.

So I went to the Job Network and was told to go to Centrelink and apply for Austudy otherwise they were going to make my life a misery by forcing me to go in as often as possible. So, I dutifully went to Centrelink.

Part 2: Centrelink.
I should point out that I was at Centrelink Camberwell, not my usual Centrelink. At Centrelink, I explained the situation and they were aghast. Turns out, surprise surprise, I should have been on Austudy from the start of the term.

So they helpfully suspended my payments on the spot.

My big idea revolved around being armed with knowledge, so I asked to see my file under Freedom of Information. That way, I'd be able to make sure that all my information was correct, and that Centrelink and I were on the same page regarding the wheres and whens.

A scan of part of the form I was given is below.

That's right, I was given a Dept of Social Security form. By my reckoning, the DSS hasn't been around for more than 10 years. When I questioned the use of the form, they said it wouldn't be a problem. My paranoia hinted that this was perhaps code for "Whoever hands in this form is a fuckwit", but the Centrelink lackey assured me that it was okay, it's just that not many people asked for an FoI.

I was given a bunch of other forms to fill out (including an Austudy form) so on my way home I went to Hungry Jacks and filled them out over a disgusting vegie burger. (Man, those things are gross. You'd think I'd have learnt my lesson after getting food poisoning from HJs in 2002).

I dropped in the forms to the Clink (that's Centrelink in case your not down with the slang) in Brunswick. When I gave the FoI form, the person behind the desk knitted her brow and said, "I'll have to show this to my supervisor." I asked if everything was okay, because I thought getting a DSS form was a bit iffy and she said, "Well, it's more that I've never had anyone ask to see their file."

I could see the woman and her supervisor talking furiously down the end of the office, then point at me. I got that "Oh fuck" feeling as they walked over.

"Where did you get this form?" asked the manager.

"Centrelink Camberwell." I said.

"When?" she asked.

"This morning." I said. 'No,' I thought, 'I travelled from the past just to fuck up your bureaucracy.'

"Well, I can't believe that they still have these forms, let alone are handing them out." she said.

Apparently, they can print out an up-to-date form almost instantly if they want to, and the DSS form isn't valid (obviously). I asked if I could keep the form, as a souvenir of my adventures I suppose, and also because the forst thing that popped into my head was 'This is the most bloggable thing that's happened to me in ages.'

She wouldn't let me keep the form because she wanted to take it to Camberwell and tear them a new one for handing out bullshit forms, but she did make a photocopy for me.

To top it off, she explained that basically no-one has asked to see their file under FoI and while it is possible, it is enormously difficult from their end to give a comprehensive file because of the way the computerised system works.

My Austudy has come through (after almost a month without money) so I haven't bothered with the FoI request but during my period of suspension frm the dole I found these people. I can't believe I hadn't heard of them before!

welfarerights.org.au

They seem to be totally onto it, and the Federation of Legal Services are really progressive and filled with awesome people, so if your in trouble with the Clink, it'd be worth checking them out.

But yeah, all that happened in one day. Pretty shitty stuff, eh?

Current Playlist:

• Under the Sun - Ripslyme
• Dark Side of the Moon - Pink Floyd
• Grange Hill Theme - (you know, the TV show)
• Remedy - Black Crows
• Evolution is a Mystery - Motorhead
• I Can't Hardly Stand It - The Cramps
• Me Plus One - Annie
• Get Down On It - Gap Band

UPDATE: Not worth a new post, but here's a fantastic video to chew up your bandwidth. Remember those fucked up Grim Reaper ads in Australia that pretty much accused gays of killing single mothers and their babies (and something to do with tenpin bowling)? Imagine if they were like this. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant.