September 24, 2003

beat you like a redheaded step-child

Wolverine would be tougher if he wore rollerblades. Did I say tougher? I meant "gayer".
Springer's Army
I dare you to turn up to your next Centrelink interview dressed like this.
I really, really don't want to go into Work for the Dole tomorrow. For those of you too lazy to read past entries, I'm in a program called 'Comic Power', where I'm expected to draw inspirational pictures about unemployment or write articles on Hollywood blockbusters. Perhaps some part of me is there in spirit, because I've been thinking about contributions I could make.

Wolverine versus Amanda Vanstone
In this hilarious instalment of Wolverine, everybody's favourite mutant goes head to head with everybody's least favourite mutant: Senator Amanda Vanstone, Minister for Family and Community Services. Armed with the unnerving power to punch the unemployed in the genitalia until they urinate their faecal matter, Vanstone engages in a short battle with the hairy x-man who finds that his adamantium claws are useless against her. Wolverine discovers, perhaps too late, that only a wooden stake through the heart can kill her.

Springer's Army
The latest bold, hip, in-you-face title from Image comics, Springer's Army tells the tale of a group of orphans in their mid-twenties, whose lives are transformed by stroking the mullet of the mysterious figure known as Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! They fight villains such as Wolf, the wife-beating biker and Betty the world's fattest plushy.

Welfare Woman
An out of work Amazonian princess finds herself trapped in Centrelink, a mysterious city thousands of miles from her homeland. Armed with her magic Lasso of Excuses, her Anti-Work Bracelets and her Headband of Tardiness, Welfare Woman battles the demon that rules the hellish city, Breach, and his minions- Newstart Agreement and Mutual Obligation.

September 18, 2003

i only get up to get down and i drink to get drunk.

Edith Piaf.
Try hugs, not drugs.
I've been up drinking all night and laughing. Look, if I haven't plugged Something Awful before, they've been shit-yourself-funny lately. Please look.

I'm going to wag Work for the Dole tomorrow. I got too pissed tonight, and I'm going to have to sleep in the office where I do volunteer work.

Anyway. While this might seem like a boring post to you, I'm blind drunk. This is, as always, vastly entertaining to me. I'M ONLINE, RIGHT NOW.

I regret nothing.

September 16, 2003

national young writers wankers festival

Dough Crow.
I just can't get enough of those damned geeks.
For all you arty types heading off to This Is Not Art (Newcastle, NSW, October 2-6), I'll be making an appearance:
Centrelink and the arts 
Friday 3/10 11:00 AM - 1:00 PM  
Location: PAN Upstairs  
Discussion of art that explores Centrelink, work for the dole art projects, artist dole programs, and more. Followed by a conga line through Centrelink. Show up or you'll be breached.  

The word is nerd
Day/Time : Friday 3/10 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM  
Location: TPI House upstairs Pod  
A roundtable discussion to battle it out for the title of NYWF's biggest geek. Ever thrown a loaded 12-sided dice? Time to brag why it's hip to be square.

September 14, 2003

the empire strikes back

Apologies for the time between posts. I've started a new work for the dole program, which means I'm not sitting in front of a computer all day.

In the last program, I was supposed to learn how to go "on line" using megatext magic data computer language. I taught myself enough html (as this mystic language is otherwise known) to do this blog and add some do-dads to it.

Now I've been put into a program where I'm supposed to produce a "comic" with tips for the unemployed on how to find jobs, etcetera. So far I've been asked to write an article on the recent close passage of Mars to Earth. I wish I was making this up. Another example; on Thursday the group was taken to go and see Pirates of the Carribean.

I know you might be confused already, so let's recap. Apparently we're supposed to make a comic-based publication for the unemployed. We are not allowed to write anything counter to the government's vision of welfare, we're not even allowed to swear. So instead, people are being asked to do crosswords and to review Jerry Bruckheimer films.

Unlike the last program I was put into, which let code-monkeys run riot on the interweb thus keeping the majority quiet, in this "class" (as the others refer to it), tension bubbles at the surface, largely thanks to Supervisor Reginald and his 'hands on' methodology.

Emporer Palpatine.
Supervisor Reginald.
Already I'm beginning to miss the sporadic interventions of Rockin' Ronald. Supervisor Reginald constantly asks what you're doing and, when things are obviously out if his control, he tries to maintain his authority by acting like he's doing you a favour; "You there, watch this Ultimate Fighting video instead of writing something on job interviews."

The room we're in is, of course, badly lit, cramped and poorly ventilated. After a while, the florescent lights and lack of fresh air combine to give the room the appearance of a Puff Daddy filmclip.

The upside of the new program is that my fellow participants are far more sociable than the last lot. We spent my first day in the program discussing the possibility of going on strike, then went on an "excursion" to the art gallery.

I have to admit I've overplayed my "young proletariat revolutionary"schtick. I've been in the program for about month now, aand my boredom and frustration culminated to me chucking a bit of a wobbly (a very appropriate term in this case) on Friday. We had some woman come in and ask us what we thought about Work for the Dole, and what we thought about this program in particular. Instead of keeping my head down and my mouth shut, which would've been the wise thing to do, I told her that I thought it was all bullshit busy work, deliberately made soul destroying in order to make unemployment a threat to be held over the heads of wage earners.

Supervisor Reginald threatened me with a breach (that would mean cutting off my dole and getting a reduced rate once I got it back) after my little episode because of my tardiness. Funnily enough, he'd never mentioned this before I told him he was shit.

As far as this blog goes, I'd imagine that my postings are going to be less frequent. Between now and mid-October, it'll be once a fortnight, but after that it'll be about once a week.