the return of DSS!
A few weeks ago, I had the worst day I've had in quite a few years. That includes the day me and my partner were forced out of our house by the housemate who cared too much. (That's a cryptic reference that you probably don't need to worry about.)
Part 1: The Dentist.
My morning began at the dentist. I need to get fillings in my wisdom teeth but, thankfully, they don't need to be removed.
The dentist (it must be said she was very good) began by saying that she was going to apply some dry ice to my teeth to test their sensitivity. The horror on my face must have been evident because she explained thaat it was a painless procedure of putting cold cotton on my teeth to see if they are dead or not (they weren't). Phew.
Then it was time for the hardcore stuff. They injected the anaesthetic, whoch wasn't as painful as it could have been. The problem was, it didn't really work that well. Apparently, to put it mildly, my nervousness was countering some of the effects of the drug, and when they (the dentist and the dental nurse) began working on one tooth, pain shot all down one side of my body when they hit a nerve. So they had to inject me with anaesthetic two more times, and it had very little effect.
As my panic began to mount, the dentists was more visibly annoyed and said, "Looks like we've got another one."
The worst part was when I could no longer feel the back of my throat along the right side, and it felt like I wasn't breathing properly. This was compounded by the wad of plastic shoved to the back of my tonsils while an x-ray was taken.
I tried to stifle my fear by thinking about the dead moths that were in the fluro light covering above (how did they get there? What was the lead up to their demise?) but it was no good. I began to flinch uncontrollably at every discomfort. I'm pretty sure the dentist cut the session short because I've my in-your-face extremeness aka total fear.
Humiliated, I left for my next appointment – with my Job Network member.
Part 2: The Job Network.
It started when I got a letter saying I had an appointment at 10am with my Job Network member. I sent an email to my case worker (is that what you call them?)
Problem is, I was studing full time. Now, I was told previously by a lackey at Centrelink (who
looked alot like the Tall Man) that I might as well stay on the dole and not go on Austudy. Looking back, it was pretty retarded to believe him, but it has been my experience with Centrelink that change is a bad thing.
So I went to the Job Network and was told to go to Centrelink and apply for Austudy otherwise they were going to make my life a misery by forcing me to go in as often as possible. So, I dutifully went to Centrelink.
Part 2: Centrelink.
I should point out that I was at Centrelink Camberwell, not my usual Centrelink. At Centrelink, I explained the situation and they were aghast. Turns out, surprise surprise, I should have been on Austudy from the start of the term.
So they helpfully suspended my payments on the spot.
My big idea revolved around being armed with knowledge, so I asked to see my file under Freedom of Information. That way, I'd be able to make sure that all my information was correct, and that Centrelink and I were on the same page regarding the wheres and whens.
A scan of part of the form I was given is below.
That's right, I was given a Dept of Social Security form. By my reckoning, the DSS hasn't been around for more than 10 years. When I questioned the use of the form, they said it wouldn't be a problem. My paranoia hinted that this was perhaps code for "Whoever hands in this form is a fuckwit", but the Centrelink lackey assured me that it was okay, it's just that not many people asked for an FoI.
I was given a bunch of other forms to fill out (including an Austudy form) so on my way home I went to Hungry Jacks and filled them out over a disgusting vegie burger. (Man, those things are gross. You'd think I'd have learnt my lesson after getting food poisoning from HJs in 2002).
I dropped in the forms to the Clink (that's Centrelink in case your not down with the slang) in Brunswick. When I gave the FoI form, the person behind the desk knitted her brow and said, "I'll have to show this to my supervisor." I asked if everything was okay, because I thought getting a DSS form was a bit iffy and she said, "Well, it's more that I've never had anyone ask to see their file."
I could see the woman and her supervisor talking furiously down the end of the office, then point at me. I got that "Oh fuck" feeling as they walked over.
"Where did you get this form?" asked the manager.
"Centrelink Camberwell." I said.
"When?" she asked.
"This morning." I said. 'No,' I thought, 'I travelled from the past just to fuck up your bureaucracy.'
"Well, I can't believe that they still have these forms, let alone are handing them out." she said.
Apparently, they can print out an up-to-date form almost instantly if they want to, and the DSS form isn't valid (obviously). I asked if I could keep the form, as a souvenir of my adventures I suppose, and also because the forst thing that popped into my head was 'This is the most bloggable thing that's happened to me in ages.'
She wouldn't let me keep the form because she wanted to take it to Camberwell and tear them a new one for handing out bullshit forms, but she did make a photocopy for me.
To top it off, she explained that basically no-one has asked to see their file under FoI and while it is possible, it is enormously difficult from their end to give a comprehensive file because of the way the computerised system works.
My Austudy has come through (after almost a month without money) so I haven't bothered with the FoI request but during my period of suspension frm the dole I found these people. I can't believe I hadn't heard of them before!
Current Playlist:
UPDATE: Not worth a new post, but here's a fantastic video to chew up your bandwidth. Remember those fucked up Grim Reaper ads in Australia that pretty much accused gays of killing single mothers and their babies (and something to do with tenpin bowling)? Imagine if they were like this. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant.
Part 1: The Dentist.
My morning began at the dentist. I need to get fillings in my wisdom teeth but, thankfully, they don't need to be removed.
The dentist (it must be said she was very good) began by saying that she was going to apply some dry ice to my teeth to test their sensitivity. The horror on my face must have been evident because she explained thaat it was a painless procedure of putting cold cotton on my teeth to see if they are dead or not (they weren't). Phew.
Then it was time for the hardcore stuff. They injected the anaesthetic, whoch wasn't as painful as it could have been. The problem was, it didn't really work that well. Apparently, to put it mildly, my nervousness was countering some of the effects of the drug, and when they (the dentist and the dental nurse) began working on one tooth, pain shot all down one side of my body when they hit a nerve. So they had to inject me with anaesthetic two more times, and it had very little effect.
As my panic began to mount, the dentists was more visibly annoyed and said, "Looks like we've got another one."
The worst part was when I could no longer feel the back of my throat along the right side, and it felt like I wasn't breathing properly. This was compounded by the wad of plastic shoved to the back of my tonsils while an x-ray was taken.
I tried to stifle my fear by thinking about the dead moths that were in the fluro light covering above (how did they get there? What was the lead up to their demise?) but it was no good. I began to flinch uncontrollably at every discomfort. I'm pretty sure the dentist cut the session short because I've my in-your-face extremeness aka total fear.
Humiliated, I left for my next appointment – with my Job Network member.
Part 2: The Job Network.
It started when I got a letter saying I had an appointment at 10am with my Job Network member. I sent an email to my case worker (is that what you call them?)
Hey ******,Then I got this reply.
Unfortunately I can't make it to the Thursday appointment at 10am. I have a dentist appointment at 9:30 in Carlton.
I've also completely fogotten to tell you that I have some temporary work. It's 6 hours a week working at *******. It's been going for three weeks and I have one more week left (that is, this week). The work is ••••••••. I don't know if you need to know the pay or not, but it's works out to $48 per hour.
You can call me on my mobile 04••••••••, but it will be switched off today between 2 and 5pm (I'll be in class).
Centrelink advised that you are not on full time studies and receiving partial allowance which means to say you are required to come to your appointment. I will wait for you in the afternoon.
Problem is, I was studing full time. Now, I was told previously by a lackey at Centrelink (who
looked alot like the Tall Man) that I might as well stay on the dole and not go on Austudy. Looking back, it was pretty retarded to believe him, but it has been my experience with Centrelink that change is a bad thing.So I went to the Job Network and was told to go to Centrelink and apply for Austudy otherwise they were going to make my life a misery by forcing me to go in as often as possible. So, I dutifully went to Centrelink.
Part 2: Centrelink.
I should point out that I was at Centrelink Camberwell, not my usual Centrelink. At Centrelink, I explained the situation and they were aghast. Turns out, surprise surprise, I should have been on Austudy from the start of the term.
So they helpfully suspended my payments on the spot.
My big idea revolved around being armed with knowledge, so I asked to see my file under Freedom of Information. That way, I'd be able to make sure that all my information was correct, and that Centrelink and I were on the same page regarding the wheres and whens.
A scan of part of the form I was given is below.
That's right, I was given a Dept of Social Security form. By my reckoning, the DSS hasn't been around for more than 10 years. When I questioned the use of the form, they said it wouldn't be a problem. My paranoia hinted that this was perhaps code for "Whoever hands in this form is a fuckwit", but the Centrelink lackey assured me that it was okay, it's just that not many people asked for an FoI.I was given a bunch of other forms to fill out (including an Austudy form) so on my way home I went to Hungry Jacks and filled them out over a disgusting vegie burger. (Man, those things are gross. You'd think I'd have learnt my lesson after getting food poisoning from HJs in 2002).
I dropped in the forms to the Clink (that's Centrelink in case your not down with the slang) in Brunswick. When I gave the FoI form, the person behind the desk knitted her brow and said, "I'll have to show this to my supervisor." I asked if everything was okay, because I thought getting a DSS form was a bit iffy and she said, "Well, it's more that I've never had anyone ask to see their file."
I could see the woman and her supervisor talking furiously down the end of the office, then point at me. I got that "Oh fuck" feeling as they walked over.
"Where did you get this form?" asked the manager.
"Centrelink Camberwell." I said.
"When?" she asked.
"This morning." I said. 'No,' I thought, 'I travelled from the past just to fuck up your bureaucracy.'
"Well, I can't believe that they still have these forms, let alone are handing them out." she said.
Apparently, they can print out an up-to-date form almost instantly if they want to, and the DSS form isn't valid (obviously). I asked if I could keep the form, as a souvenir of my adventures I suppose, and also because the forst thing that popped into my head was 'This is the most bloggable thing that's happened to me in ages.'
She wouldn't let me keep the form because she wanted to take it to Camberwell and tear them a new one for handing out bullshit forms, but she did make a photocopy for me.
To top it off, she explained that basically no-one has asked to see their file under FoI and while it is possible, it is enormously difficult from their end to give a comprehensive file because of the way the computerised system works.
My Austudy has come through (after almost a month without money) so I haven't bothered with the FoI request but during my period of suspension frm the dole I found these people. I can't believe I hadn't heard of them before!
welfarerights.org.au
They seem to be totally onto it, and the Federation of Legal Services are really progressive and filled with awesome people, so if your in trouble with the Clink, it'd be worth checking them out.
But yeah, all that happened in one day. Pretty shitty stuff, eh?
But yeah, all that happened in one day. Pretty shitty stuff, eh?
Current Playlist:
- Under the Sun - Ripslyme
- Dark Side of the Moon - Pink Floyd
- Grange Hill Theme - (you know, the TV show)
- Remedy - Black Crows
- Evolution is a Mystery - Motorhead
- I Can't Hardly Stand It - The Cramps
- Me Plus One - Annie
- Get Down On It - Gap Band
UPDATE: Not worth a new post, but here's a fantastic video to chew up your bandwidth. Remember those fucked up Grim Reaper ads in Australia that pretty much accused gays of killing single mothers and their babies (and something to do with tenpin bowling)? Imagine if they were like this. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant.
posted by Lumpen at 5/02/2006 10:25:00 pm
7 Comments:
Bloody centerlink - wouldn't know their arse from their elbow.
Nice story though. It's always fun being right and public servants wrong.
Oh, dude - that sounds horrendous. My favourite memories of Centrelink involve going there to declare my independence after my first year of uni being spent working 30 hour weeks plus study. I got to the Clink office with all of my pay slips, bank statements, university enrolment forms etc., and the lady looked at me, looked at the papers, and said, "Where's your ENTER certificate of completion?"
"What?" I said, confused. "I have a university enrolment confirmation form there, that suggests that I have finished highschool and entered university."
"No, we need to see your ENTER form to confirm you finished highschool."
"But I'm attending university now! You can INFER that I finished highschool!"
Long story short, I had to catch two trains to go back home and dig that bloody cert out, and then catch two trains back to the Cheltenham Clink office.
My friend likes to ring them up and ask for the Dept. of Insecurity.
sounds like a nightmare as usual. Did I tell you how they recently revoked all the family tax from the last six months as I've started working now...
That's a great story. You poor bastard.
I'm not sure about that vid though. On Foucauldian grounds. It's too phalocentric. You can be gay, but you've still got to have penetrative sex.
Uh, you know what being gay involves, right? Here's a hint: it's very, very phallocentric.
If they weren't having penetrative sex, there'd be no need to have the ad in the first place.
And what does Foucault have to say about awesome animation?
thanx
(send lawyers and guns for money)
oh boy that is totally golden! a feelgood story! with morals! creative ways to animate prophylactics 101. I heart it. Is there an equivalent one for the sapphically inclined among us? Although comet to think of it the central theme would have to be different. I seem to recall that aesthetically challenged comedienne whose name eludes me saying that using a femi-dom is like having someone lick the wall next door. Fair call.
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