truly outrageous

As you can see, I've changed the template on my blog. I was a bit sick of the old one. It might take a while to work out any bugs.

How completely hilarious is the John Brogden news? It's one of those incidents where all you can do is point enthusiastically and say, "See? See?"

I have never heard of this Alex Hawke chap, the Young Liberal credited with bringing down the apparently-wet NSW Liberal Opposition leader. Although my googling seems to indicate that he's a little fucking monster.

Based on my research and easily utilised hatred, here is my Top Five Uses for Alex Hawke list.

1. Human uggboot.
2. Political sarlaac pit.
3. Punching bag.
4. Novelty barometer.
5. Hypercolor t-shirt model.

wite pried

White and not-so-bright? Here is the conference for you!

An assortment of lonely wife beaters are gathering in Sydney to talk about such important things as "our country's immigration diaster[sic]... Ot[sic] is the key matter of Australian survival in the 21st Century." You heard it here first!

And don't forget that Doug Harrison will be speaking about "Nallarat in commemoration of Eureka Stockade." Nallarat is right near Ballarat, only it is smaller and has more webbed digits.

If you have any enquires about bleaching your blood to ensure racial purity, ignoring inconvenient realities to make your cultural heritage as tight as nationalist arseholes, or any other pressing matters, don't hesitate to call
0407 732 868.
Anytime. Day or night.

mondegreen defeated

After a recent conversation with my favourite new acquaintance, I got to thinking about my favourite lyrics, and then to lyrics that totally befuddled me.

My whole life, I've misunderstood the lyrics to Paul Lekakis' 'Boom Boom Boom (Let's Go back To My Room)' to the point of comedy.

When I was a teenager, we stole my Mum's copy of 1987 Right On Track (in hindsight a brilliant compilation) and took it to my friends house. We'd put the record on while either drunk or stoned, then make up crappy dances and interpretations to the songs. For example, we'd sing Starship's 'Nothing's Going to Stop Us Now' (from the soundtrack to Mannequin, for those of you keeping count), especially the lyrics "Them say we crazy." We also made up a dance to INXS' 'Need You Tonight', which I can still perform for anyone who is interested. It involves lots of sliding and shoulder rolling.

Anyway, we'd play Paul Lekakis' song over and over, trying to figure out the lyrics while incredibly ripped. The leading contender for the mystery lyric was "To be or not to be". Another nomination was "tovee on a tovee". It made no sense, but that's what it sounded like.

Today I realised I could just look it up on the Net. Ladies and gents, the mystery lyrics are: "Do the honour to me."

Update: The lyric is still in contention! A few websites list the lyric as "To be or not to be", but the majority say "Do the honour to me".

'Boom Boom Boom (Let's Go back To My Room)'
Hey babe, I'd like to talk to you
How about coming back to my room for a little boom boom

You keep coming to me
I can dig your dynamite
Know the way you move
Get in the groove
You're driving me crazy, crazy for you

Second time you moved me
It's time for us to Boom Boom
You can come right close to me
And feel the burning fire
All the time you got me
It's fine for us to boom boom
If you see the spark in me
And feel my strong desire

Boom Boom Boom
Let's go back to my room
So we can do it all night
And you can make me feel right

Boom Boom Boom
Let's go back to my room
So we can do it all night
And you can make me feel right

Do the honor to me
Don't you know I like to bite
Get to the view
Closer to you
You're driving me crazy, crazy for you

Second time you moved me
It's time for us to Boom Boom
You can come right close to me
And feel the burning fire
All the time you got me
It's fine for us to boom boom
If you see the spark in me
And feel my strong desire

Boom Boom Boom
Let's go back to my room
So we can do it all night
And you can make me feel right

Boom Boom Boom
Let's go back to my room
So we can do it all night
And you can make me feel right

the serious moonlight

Howdy. It's 3am and I've just gotten back home from a night on the turps. It has been said that drunken blogging has some resemblance to a metaphor that roughly means a bad thing. I'm going to ignore that and post some pictures my friends said I shouldn't.

I can't say I had an entirely great time tonight. I got stuck arguing about the crapness of party politics (and something to do with the magic powers of marriage) and I was also told [quote] that I'm better on paper than I am in person [unquote]. What can I say? That real life is a disappointment? Damn, I keep being reminded that I'm not impressive IRL this week [especially when I was told I resemble Radar from M*A*S*H*].

Okay, I get it. I'm not good looking and more than a little abrasive. However, I do host a bitchin party.



Dude, you're going to wake up without your pants on!


The funk of 40,000 years.


Avast!


I promise to take down this picture as soon as someone asks me to. I think it is hella cute though.

cold blooded old times

My birthday party was absolutely cracking. I'll save a description for when I get more photos.

tattooed millionaire

Phew! Life is super hectic. An update:
Yes, I am at TAFE. Yes, I'm still on the dole.

Because I'm studying full time, Centrelink have given me a holiday from things like Work for the Dole and handing in forms.

Just as I expected, TAFE is a hybrid of uni and highschool. Seriously, there are teachers who actually try to discipline the students! Can you fucking believe it? I tried to institute a rebellion, but some of the classmates chickened out, and I figured if we weren't all in it together I shouldn't bother.

This picture hasn't got anything to do with my post, but I thought I should remind you never to feed your mogwai after midnight.

I'm also the eldest and the only white male in a class that is about 80% international students. It's amazing just how exploited the international students are. They pay Au$5,000 for a six month course. Thanks to my healthcare card, I pay Au$160. From what I've seen so far, the course is good, but not $5,000 worth of good.

It's fairly interesting that people revert to clinging to racial groups in situations where they feel uncomfortable. I walked into a room 5 minutes late the other week and noticed that all the asians were on one table and all the non-asians were on another. I tried to put an end to the apartheid by sitting on the asian table, but the conversation wasn't really forthcoming. Some of the asians are painfully shy, I guess because of their language skills. Still, the barriers are slowly peeling away.

Today I decided to take the day off and do my work at home. And by "work at home" I mean "play Soul Caliber 2." I have a a crazy amount of work to do, so I'll sign off.

Oh, and for those of you who actually know me, I turn 27 soon and I'm having a party at my place on August 13. Contact me for details.