merry australia day!
Yesss! It’s Australia Day, that special time of the year where I can celebrate without restraint the fact my mother and absconding father rooted somewhere on this continent, magically giving me the right to dance on generations of dead natives. And what better way to commemorate the coincidence of my conception within these well-guarded borders than with a PARADE OF IGNORANCE!
There are many things that, despite my faint efforts, I do not understand. This week I hope to be enlightened by my readers through indepth discussions of subjects I have failed to grasp.
Bob Dylan’s Success
Why? Why is this man so popular? As far as I can see, all he did was make music boring and annoying. I admit that ‘Subterranean Homesick Blues’ is a mildly entertaining song with a good film clip. Other than that, his greatest contribution to pleasurable music was a brief chorus in the Traveling Wilburies’ ‘Handle Me With Care.’ Everything else I’ve listened to bored me to tears. I mean, it’s deliberately slow.
Holy Christ, then there is his voice. Ever notice that he and Sonny Bono sound exactly the same? No-one hesitates to say Sonny was shithouse, but because Dylan came up in the coffee houses frequented by trust fund bohemians and not as Cher’s handbag, he’s a fucking innovator.
Please readers: correct me. I want to get it. Really, I do. If you can’t explain it, you just got served! Booyah!
Internet Sexuality.
Remember when fucking another dude up the arse was seen as extreme? Then came the Internet and it wasn’t enough to have poo sex, you had to stretch your anus to the size of a roasting tray and take pictures of your girlfriend being fisted like a muppet.
Then some folks decided that they want to have sex with children’s toys (they call it “yiffing”. Blaaarg!). Then these “plushies” determined that it wasn’t enough to root a Simba doll, oh no. They decided to branch out, now there are whole communities of guys (and some particularly terrifying women) who have forgone human company altogether and now dress in Paddlepop Lion suits.
Don’t get me started on the contribution of the Japanese to this whole mess. Most people are familiar with the whole “raped-with-mysterious-tenticle-dripping-with-juice” manga schtick. The japs have also been doing the chop-the-little-girl-into-pieces porn for years. Then, with the Internet and a mass interaction with round eyes, stuff like this picture was produced for people to wank over. There is no Da Vinci code here. That’s Velma Dinkley, the character from Scooby Doo, being erotically tickled. By the dead. On a crucifix. In a graveyard. On the Internet.
PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS INTERNET SEX TO ME. IT HAS BROKEN MY BRAIN.
There are many things that, despite my faint efforts, I do not understand. This week I hope to be enlightened by my readers through indepth discussions of subjects I have failed to grasp.
Bob Dylan’s Success
Why? Why is this man so popular? As far as I can see, all he did was make music boring and annoying. I admit that ‘Subterranean Homesick Blues’ is a mildly entertaining song with a good film clip. Other than that, his greatest contribution to pleasurable music was a brief chorus in the Traveling Wilburies’ ‘Handle Me With Care.’ Everything else I’ve listened to bored me to tears. I mean, it’s deliberately slow.
Holy Christ, then there is his voice. Ever notice that he and Sonny Bono sound exactly the same? No-one hesitates to say Sonny was shithouse, but because Dylan came up in the coffee houses frequented by trust fund bohemians and not as Cher’s handbag, he’s a fucking innovator.
Please readers: correct me. I want to get it. Really, I do. If you can’t explain it, you just got served! Booyah!
Internet Sexuality.
Remember when fucking another dude up the arse was seen as extreme? Then came the Internet and it wasn’t enough to have poo sex, you had to stretch your anus to the size of a roasting tray and take pictures of your girlfriend being fisted like a muppet.
Then some folks decided that they want to have sex with children’s toys (they call it “yiffing”. Blaaarg!). Then these “plushies” determined that it wasn’t enough to root a Simba doll, oh no. They decided to branch out, now there are whole communities of guys (and some particularly terrifying women) who have forgone human company altogether and now dress in Paddlepop Lion suits.
Don’t get me started on the contribution of the Japanese to this whole mess. Most people are familiar with the whole “raped-with-mysterious-tenticle-dripping-with-juice” manga schtick. The japs have also been doing the chop-the-little-girl-into-pieces porn for years. Then, with the Internet and a mass interaction with round eyes, stuff like this picture was produced for people to wank over. There is no Da Vinci code here. That’s Velma Dinkley, the character from Scooby Doo, being erotically tickled. By the dead. On a crucifix. In a graveyard. On the Internet.
PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS INTERNET SEX TO ME. IT HAS BROKEN MY BRAIN.
posted by Lumpen at 1/26/2005 04:14:00 pm
2 Comments:
Used to see alot of that japanese erotica on mockturtlesoups blog. Funny Stuff. How's the mini disc going?
He leigh when the next update whats been going on in your world?
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