unemployment is so hot right now

Chillin' like a villain.

Today is the fourth week in a row I've wagged Work for the Dole. In a strange way, it actually helped me to find some freelance work, so in a couple of weeks I'm going to be all cashed up. Hurrah!

A few excuses that you too can use to get out of Mutual Obligation requirements:

1. My cat is really tired and I'm freaking out.(thanks Georgia and Tones)
"Oh man, my cat Junebug is just sleeping all day. I try waking her, but she just keeps falling asleep in front of the heater. The poor thing tried walking over my bed and just fell asleep half way through. I asked her what was wrong and she won't say. She'll just eat her food and then go and sleep. I'm really freaking out."

2. I'm on drugs RIGHT NOW
This one requires a bit of costume. Either wear something fluro and have ridiculously large pants (try Dad's old slacks) or strap a teddy bear to your back and suck on a lollipop like a glitter-covered toddler. A bottle of water is essential. If you're really into it, paint some KISS style make-up to yourself.
"Sorry I'm late. I'M PEAKING! I'M PEAKING! Wow, I love this song."
At this point, you might want to think about crapping yourself.
"I'm so fucking thirsty. Where's the chill out room? Are my pupils dialated? Have you seen the others?"

3. Just cry and be incomprehensable
A good amount of sooking goes a long way in Centrelinkland. If you have a vagina, try talking about it while crying, and try to relate it to everyday objects. For example:
"(Sob) My fallopian tubes...(sniff) salt shakers... (whiffle) oh god, and then I dropped it all... (wail a bit) concrete, concrete, pebbles then grass. I'm so sorry about this... (sob) Then he said it looks like the Ghostbusters logo... (blow nose) I mean, I don't even own any roman sandals... (queef)"
If you need some inspiration, just go here.