music for tough lads

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Blackie Lawless from the musical group W.A.S.P.

Are you young, male and white? Are you fiscally challenged and musically inclined? Your range of musical choices are almost limitless. In today's blog entry, I offer you the musicians of choice for the up-and-coming welfare recipient. In an entirely coincidental twist of fate, they exactly mirror my own musical tastes, past and present.

W.A.S.P.
WASP is either an acronym for 'White Anglo-Saxon Protestant' or 'We Are Satan's People.' It could also stand for 'Wispy Ankle Soot Plank' or 'Wanton Ant Sandy Pulpit', but I could find no evidence that this is the case. As you can see from the picture of Blackie, the musical stylings of WASP fall under the catergory of 'Hair Metal'. I used to listen to WASP when I was around nine years old. I shared a room with my brother, and we would listen the album Blind In Texas. There was a particular track, 'The Widowmaker' that would scare my older brother witless if listened to in the dark. This is the essence of good, tough, music: it should be able to scare children.

Bruce is totally not gay.

Iron Maiden.
Bruce Dickinson, the lead singer of Iron Maiden, is in no way, and never was, really, really gay. For similar reasons to WASP, Iron Maiden kick arse (or ass. Sometimes both.). Their cover art is always awesome, and they sang about cool shit like shooting birds and being lost somewhere in time. You can endlessly analyse the lyrics of Iron Maiden and impress your academic friends with the depth of awareness about literature possessed by the Iron Maiden crew. My favourite album is Seventh Son of a Seventh Son, which features my favourite track, 'Only the Good Die Young.' Too true, Bruce, too true.

If you want to impress others with your knowledge of Iron Maiden, point out that all of their albums kick arse, except for Killers, which was gay, which Bruce Dickinson isn't.

That concludes today's lesson. In the weeks to come, I'll inform you of more music choices.